All Time Favorite Story Jokes

Teacher: “Children, tomorrow I’d like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development.”At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.
Teacher: “Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny’s’ crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, to get up and leave the class room”Everybody agreed to this plan.
Next day, teacher: “Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anna”
Anna: “Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn’t have to walk so far to get bread and milk.”
Teacher: “Very good Anna! Yes Koosie!”
Koosie: “Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home”
Teacher: “Excellent, thank you Koosie!”At this point, little Johnny’s hand shoots up and the teacher asks:”Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home.”
Little Johnny: “Near my home, they are building a huge brothel”
As all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave, Little Johnny says,”Hold it, you little whores, it hasn’t opened yet!”

An Illiterate Father wid his educated son wnt on a cmping trp,dey setup deir tent & fell aslep.
Sum hours later,Father wakes his Son & asks:Luk up to d sky & tel me wat u C?
Son:I C milions of stars.
Fathr:& wat does dat tel u?
Son:Astronomicaly, it tels dat dere r milions of galxies & planets..
Father remains silnt 4 momnt thn saz:Idiot, sum1 has stoln R tent!
MORAL: Eduction ruins your comon sense….:)

The famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton. The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.

“This is not the 1928 Mouton.”

The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.

Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.

“My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.”

Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.

“I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.”

Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, “When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes.”

This guy goes and buys himself a new motorcycle. The dealer gives him a lil tip “when it rains put some vasiline on the leather seat 2 keep it from cracking” he says.

Dat nite the guy was going to meet his girls parents for the 1st time. As he pulls up to the house he is greeted by his girlfriend who tells him “One thing I forgot to tell u is my parents are a lil weird. Its fine to talk during dinner but when we are done the 1st person 2 talk has 2 do the dishes”. The guy thinks this is easy enough to do so he walks in.

Dinner is going great food is good and they are having a wonderful convo. Now dinner is over and they make there way to da family room where everyone sits without a word.

They guy says to himself I can just sit here starring at everyone. I have 2 talk but I’m not trying 2 do da dishes.

He looks at his girl and starts making out wit her in front her parents… Noone says anything… He takes off all her clothes… No1 says n anything… He fucks her in front of everyone… But no 1 says anything…

“Shit what can I do now” he says… He looks at his girls mother n starts making out wit her… No1 says n e thing… He takes off all her clothes… No1 says n e thing… He fucks her in front of every1… But no 1 says n e thing…

“You got 2 be kidding me” he says… “What da hell can I do?”

Just then he looks out the window n sees its starting 2 rain. He remembers what the dealer told him about da leather seat and goes into his bag and pulls out the vasiline…

The father jumps up and shouts “FUCK NO!!!… I’LL DO DA DISHES!!!l

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s